Never really choosing to go away...........

Well, to my few readers.....I'm back! Just sitting here reflecting on my life, and thinking that in order to help preserve my sanity, even writing a few sentences every couple of days would really help.
So what has happened since I've left y'all? I might as well try to remember it all!
Well, I've worked almost every holiday except New Year's....work is fine, the hospital has really been a 2nd home to me. I am growing into my confident role as a RN, even when the patients go "oh, it's so nice to see a nice young man..." If they only knew! I can spout reasons for any intervention we do....and happily BS my way through some conversations if I need to! I'm working a 2nd job at a local nursing home on a PRN basis...it's nice to have some familiar people to work with...
Personally, I moved out of my rental house in March...Got broken into TWICE within 2 months of each other...basically all they got was 2 laptops and made a mess of the place. But the 2nd time, I moved all my valuables over to a friend's house, and the next morning the cops called cause they had kicked in the door! (too bad for them I didn't have anything else left there!)
And I'm writing this next to the most beautiful woman in the world....my new fiance. I never thought that I would ever meet anyone so sweet, kind, open, beautiful and understanding. Her love and joy for what I do(and her mom does also) is infectious....and no matter how rough the shift, I know that she understands. So hopefully I'll be posting a few more things on here, but until then...."A fool blathers on, a wise man listens more than speaks."

Gone.

This is to announce that I am closing my blog for a undisclosed period of time. I just do not have the time for it, and after looking back over the last 20 days, I just have nothing really important to share. I still plan to comment on certain ones, and lurk through the blogosphere, but I cannot continue to give the time that this requires. Good luck to all, and peace be with you.

If you start off having a bad day....

It can just take a moment to change it around.
I was frazzled the other day....behind, had a admit, day nurse kept me in report 1/2 hr past time I should have been done, had a hep drip PTT coming due soon(so I'd have to change the rate), etc....all at at start of shift.
I went in to see my one stable patient....and he asked for tylenol instead of vicodin...ok, sure. After getting those for him he said "you have a minute?" (seriously, at this moment, I wanted to say "not really, could it wait a bit?") But, I always say sure because they may not tell you what they wanted to earlier....
He says "I wanted you to know that you are the best nurse I've ever had. You really care about your patients. You always take the time to explain things to me, and you told me when you didn't know. The other nurses have been pushing that vicodin and I don't want it....nurses do a good job and people probably don't say that enough."
I almost wanted to go cry a little.....I told him thanks, and we proceeded to have a better night. Let me just say that I had a little more bounce when I left that room....so take the time to listen to your patients...they might be the ones giving you what you needed.

reflections

I feel something stirring in me that has been lying dormant for a long time. The swelling in the heart when I see a certain person. Thinking about them when I find myself with down moments. Knowing that things are still new, so perhaps I'm just overwhelmed with a sense of "new date" envy. I don't find excuses to break a date, I am just at ease out on the town, or sitting still watching movies.
I worry about how quickly I seem to be changing. Priding myself on always being a rational observer of my life, and tending not to get lost in dreams of long term plans.
But is it so wrong to WANT to share this life with someone? Sooner rather than later? Aching to fill a void that I have been aware of for years?
I have friends...that I know. But, there is only so much time that can be spent in that company.
I'm growing up. A career, a life, a love....the things I ache for. Career is satisfied, and somedays is very tough. Life...the days I spend, often just back and forth, waiting for the hour of bed, running errands, waiting.....
Love. I find it lacking, but I am prone to getting my heart broken quickly....I shy away from emotion, lest I be destroyed. I find that, although cliche, the "walls around my heart" metaphor is quite apt. When I find someone, I try not to scare them away...or show too much of me at once.

I put this out there for all to see: I believe in love. I believe I am falling in love. Is it love? I do not know, I think it may be. But, I know enough to minimize my heart's investment, until I know for sure. If you have love....hold it. Feed it everyday, and know that a tender plant dies if it is not fed.

Be on time.

Alone in the dark,
I hear my squeaking shoes.
Black pleather slapping tiles
as I attempt to quietly open doors.

I hear sleep sounds,
snores so deep they sound like cave monsters.
Hoping that the pulse ox's
show good perfusion.

I wait for the daylight to arrive,
to leave and go home.
My slumber time put off
by inconsiderate coworker.

Arriving on time is expected,
not a suggestion.
If I arrived 25 minutes late,
someone would notice....mainly boss.

Please remember that while I wait for you,
I am usually considerate enough to be on time.
Repeat, blather, repeat.
Good night.

Beating my head against the wall.

So, this week, I have to change shifts for 36 hours of classes geared to new grad RNs. It's good, got there a little early and was able to visit with a few of the girls I went to school with....catching up, seeing what they do that's cool, and making plans for a out of work get-together....
However, for every plus, there is a minus....Which is that it was just like being back in nursing school. Why do some people feel the need to be rude during presentations, having their private little jokes, laughing (not) quietly, and otherwise making the rest of us look bad? We're professsions, darn it...let's act like it.
Then, the main nurse who was the ringleader started complaining to our product vendor who did our lunch about how our swab kits are tough to do, we don't have solutions to help cut bacteria down in the mouth, people put the swab kits in drawers, they take long to finish, etc....well, let's see. (she works on a med/surg floor, I work on a surgical/ortho/neuro...with tubes and NPO patients at times, so I use the kits as well.)
The kits contain a lot of mouth swabs, chapstick, mouthwash. However, if she had been listening during the presentation, she would have heard the vendor say "now, when you're not using the chlorohexidine, you burst this HYDROGEN PROXIDE bubble and let it sit for a minute...then swab."
So...to wrap up my argument against hers....
A. Mouth care takes maybe 5 minutes, max. If the swabs are in the drawer, then take them out and put them on bedside table. Do it after you're done assessing, before you leave the patient.
B. Solution that cuts down some bacteria: Hydrogen proxide(in our pyxis) mixed with water...just like when you have a toothache and gargle with it. (not to mention the vendor mentioned it in his product.)
C. I don't mind people...I mind stupid people with little to no basic nursing knowledge, who don't think/listen, and then wonder why they get no respect.

On the plus side, the classes are interesting(for the most part) and I'm getting lots of material to write about....so it'll be alright. I'm dragging today, slept little yesterday, and I'm not used to waking up at 730am....hope all is well with my readers!

work and a date.

First...thanks to the 1 follower I have on here...Jacob from Raspberry Blase!

Overall, things are going well. I finally got back on the night shift, and realized how much I missed my night crew. I've been working up to 3-4 patients, and even did my first night discharge...at 8:30pm, trying to take care of all my other patients ahead of time....so go figure.
Outside of work, I haven't done much....however, I did have a (semi) blind date today. A nurse who works the night shift on the unit next door to mine had asked me if I had myspace....seriously, who doesn't? Then, I received a message from her daughter....so, nothing to it, right?
Her daughter is younger, but nice....and we happened to spend about 5 hours together today. For the women, is it a good sign when she takes your arm, you hold the umbrella, and you have good conversation for the entire date? And I even got a kiss as I walked her to her car....good times. So wish me luck!