Never really choosing to go away...........

Well, to my few readers.....I'm back! Just sitting here reflecting on my life, and thinking that in order to help preserve my sanity, even writing a few sentences every couple of days would really help.
So what has happened since I've left y'all? I might as well try to remember it all!
Well, I've worked almost every holiday except New Year's....work is fine, the hospital has really been a 2nd home to me. I am growing into my confident role as a RN, even when the patients go "oh, it's so nice to see a nice young man..." If they only knew! I can spout reasons for any intervention we do....and happily BS my way through some conversations if I need to! I'm working a 2nd job at a local nursing home on a PRN basis...it's nice to have some familiar people to work with...
Personally, I moved out of my rental house in March...Got broken into TWICE within 2 months of each other...basically all they got was 2 laptops and made a mess of the place. But the 2nd time, I moved all my valuables over to a friend's house, and the next morning the cops called cause they had kicked in the door! (too bad for them I didn't have anything else left there!)
And I'm writing this next to the most beautiful woman in the world....my new fiance. I never thought that I would ever meet anyone so sweet, kind, open, beautiful and understanding. Her love and joy for what I do(and her mom does also) is infectious....and no matter how rough the shift, I know that she understands. So hopefully I'll be posting a few more things on here, but until then...."A fool blathers on, a wise man listens more than speaks."

Gone.

This is to announce that I am closing my blog for a undisclosed period of time. I just do not have the time for it, and after looking back over the last 20 days, I just have nothing really important to share. I still plan to comment on certain ones, and lurk through the blogosphere, but I cannot continue to give the time that this requires. Good luck to all, and peace be with you.

If you start off having a bad day....

It can just take a moment to change it around.
I was frazzled the other day....behind, had a admit, day nurse kept me in report 1/2 hr past time I should have been done, had a hep drip PTT coming due soon(so I'd have to change the rate), etc....all at at start of shift.
I went in to see my one stable patient....and he asked for tylenol instead of vicodin...ok, sure. After getting those for him he said "you have a minute?" (seriously, at this moment, I wanted to say "not really, could it wait a bit?") But, I always say sure because they may not tell you what they wanted to earlier....
He says "I wanted you to know that you are the best nurse I've ever had. You really care about your patients. You always take the time to explain things to me, and you told me when you didn't know. The other nurses have been pushing that vicodin and I don't want it....nurses do a good job and people probably don't say that enough."
I almost wanted to go cry a little.....I told him thanks, and we proceeded to have a better night. Let me just say that I had a little more bounce when I left that room....so take the time to listen to your patients...they might be the ones giving you what you needed.

reflections

I feel something stirring in me that has been lying dormant for a long time. The swelling in the heart when I see a certain person. Thinking about them when I find myself with down moments. Knowing that things are still new, so perhaps I'm just overwhelmed with a sense of "new date" envy. I don't find excuses to break a date, I am just at ease out on the town, or sitting still watching movies.
I worry about how quickly I seem to be changing. Priding myself on always being a rational observer of my life, and tending not to get lost in dreams of long term plans.
But is it so wrong to WANT to share this life with someone? Sooner rather than later? Aching to fill a void that I have been aware of for years?
I have friends...that I know. But, there is only so much time that can be spent in that company.
I'm growing up. A career, a life, a love....the things I ache for. Career is satisfied, and somedays is very tough. Life...the days I spend, often just back and forth, waiting for the hour of bed, running errands, waiting.....
Love. I find it lacking, but I am prone to getting my heart broken quickly....I shy away from emotion, lest I be destroyed. I find that, although cliche, the "walls around my heart" metaphor is quite apt. When I find someone, I try not to scare them away...or show too much of me at once.

I put this out there for all to see: I believe in love. I believe I am falling in love. Is it love? I do not know, I think it may be. But, I know enough to minimize my heart's investment, until I know for sure. If you have love....hold it. Feed it everyday, and know that a tender plant dies if it is not fed.

Be on time.

Alone in the dark,
I hear my squeaking shoes.
Black pleather slapping tiles
as I attempt to quietly open doors.

I hear sleep sounds,
snores so deep they sound like cave monsters.
Hoping that the pulse ox's
show good perfusion.

I wait for the daylight to arrive,
to leave and go home.
My slumber time put off
by inconsiderate coworker.

Arriving on time is expected,
not a suggestion.
If I arrived 25 minutes late,
someone would notice....mainly boss.

Please remember that while I wait for you,
I am usually considerate enough to be on time.
Repeat, blather, repeat.
Good night.

Beating my head against the wall.

So, this week, I have to change shifts for 36 hours of classes geared to new grad RNs. It's good, got there a little early and was able to visit with a few of the girls I went to school with....catching up, seeing what they do that's cool, and making plans for a out of work get-together....
However, for every plus, there is a minus....Which is that it was just like being back in nursing school. Why do some people feel the need to be rude during presentations, having their private little jokes, laughing (not) quietly, and otherwise making the rest of us look bad? We're professsions, darn it...let's act like it.
Then, the main nurse who was the ringleader started complaining to our product vendor who did our lunch about how our swab kits are tough to do, we don't have solutions to help cut bacteria down in the mouth, people put the swab kits in drawers, they take long to finish, etc....well, let's see. (she works on a med/surg floor, I work on a surgical/ortho/neuro...with tubes and NPO patients at times, so I use the kits as well.)
The kits contain a lot of mouth swabs, chapstick, mouthwash. However, if she had been listening during the presentation, she would have heard the vendor say "now, when you're not using the chlorohexidine, you burst this HYDROGEN PROXIDE bubble and let it sit for a minute...then swab."
So...to wrap up my argument against hers....
A. Mouth care takes maybe 5 minutes, max. If the swabs are in the drawer, then take them out and put them on bedside table. Do it after you're done assessing, before you leave the patient.
B. Solution that cuts down some bacteria: Hydrogen proxide(in our pyxis) mixed with water...just like when you have a toothache and gargle with it. (not to mention the vendor mentioned it in his product.)
C. I don't mind people...I mind stupid people with little to no basic nursing knowledge, who don't think/listen, and then wonder why they get no respect.

On the plus side, the classes are interesting(for the most part) and I'm getting lots of material to write about....so it'll be alright. I'm dragging today, slept little yesterday, and I'm not used to waking up at 730am....hope all is well with my readers!

work and a date.

First...thanks to the 1 follower I have on here...Jacob from Raspberry Blase!

Overall, things are going well. I finally got back on the night shift, and realized how much I missed my night crew. I've been working up to 3-4 patients, and even did my first night discharge...at 8:30pm, trying to take care of all my other patients ahead of time....so go figure.
Outside of work, I haven't done much....however, I did have a (semi) blind date today. A nurse who works the night shift on the unit next door to mine had asked me if I had myspace....seriously, who doesn't? Then, I received a message from her daughter....so, nothing to it, right?
Her daughter is younger, but nice....and we happened to spend about 5 hours together today. For the women, is it a good sign when she takes your arm, you hold the umbrella, and you have good conversation for the entire date? And I even got a kiss as I walked her to her car....good times. So wish me luck!

picture personality test

This was one of those cool web tests....

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

HBPS - The Optimist

Humanity, Background, Big Picture, and Shape

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on the hidden treasures of life (the background) and how that fits into the larger picture. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to ponder ideas and imagine the many possibilities of your life without worrying about the details or specifics. You are in tune with all that is around you and understand your life as part of a larger whole. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.

The Perception Personality Types:

http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-perception-personality-image-test">Take The Perception Personality Image Test at

100 things to eat....

Very Good Taste posted a list of 100 things every omnivore should eat. You're supposed to go through it and mark what you've eaten, to see where you stand when compared with the ideal.
Here 'tis....
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea*
3. Huevos rancheros*
4. Steak tartare*(got me sick in Mexico)
5. Crocodile*
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue*
8. Carp*
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari*
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich*
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart*
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes*
19. Steamed pork buns*
20. Pistachio ice cream*
21. Heirloom tomatoes*
22. Fresh wild berries*
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans*
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper (once in my HS biology class, what a sadist)*
27. Dulce de leche*
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl*
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut*
35. Root beer float*
36. Cognac with a fat cigar*
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O*
39. Gumbo*
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects*
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more*
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel*
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut*(duh, I live in the Midwest!)
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear*
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal*
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini*
58. Beer above 8% ABV (duh)*
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips*
61. S’mores*
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs*
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (State Fair, duh)*
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain*
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill...mmmm deer off the side of the road.
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie*
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong (my favorite tea)
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict*
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare*
87. Goulash*
88. Flowers(dandelion tea)*
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam*
92. Soft shell crab*
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish*
95. Mole poblano*
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake (State Fair, duh)

take me out to the ballgame....

If you have a small class A through AAA ballpark in your city, go support it! Being labor day weekend, I knew that tonight was the last game for our local independent league team....I figured I'd just go check it out. $10 for a good seat(9 rows behind home plate), $10 in beer, and $5 for a big sausage dog, and FREE parking! So I saved about 30-40 bucks in parking, gas, and ticket prices.....beer was about the same.
I just chilled out with a beer for the first few innings, and watched the family of about 8 enjoying the game(although once a foul ball rolled off the roof, the kids kept looking up and back).....just watched the every 1/2 inning promotions(sumo wrestling, tshirt cannons, even a split the pot...)
So for a 2.5 hour game, it was mildly entertaining....although once the other team scored 7 runs in the 2nd, I lost most interest in the game....
I drove about 45 minutes there, but it was worth it for the entertainment value.......anyone else have any big plans for tomorrow?

I'm sorry....but I cannot help.

You want a good example of the problem of the uninsured in america? Take my patient today. He was getting discharged for his skull fracture. Still some problems with dizziness. headache. that happens when you get a concussion for falling off a ladder....
However, then when you are good to go...told to follow up with the doctor, then you start saying..."Well, what about my chest pain?"
What chest pain? "I've had it off and on, when I move, and when I stretch." Ok, sir, that's due to the muscles healing....you had a EKG downstairs when you arrived to the ER, and that showed no blockage or cardiac problems..also, you haven't been getting treated for that. "well, how about a test for blockage?"
Ok, sir...the doc has told you to follow up as a outpatient for that. "well, I don't have insurance." Ok, if you're concerned about paying your bill, you can contact our financial services department...and they will work with you.
"do you have samples of vicodin or anything you can send with me?"
No, sir, I'm afraid I don't.
"well, I can't get around."
Sir, here is a bus schedule and a cab voucher so you can at least get to one appointment or out once. After that, I would suggest that you talk to a friend or family member. Ok, sorry. I wish I could do more.
"You've done nothing for me."
(THAT was what pushed me over the edge. I said, "well, then let me take back that prescription your cab voucher, your bus schedule, throw up those pain meds we just gave you, etc...not really, but it would've been nice.)
The negative thing is that he expected all this to be done, but didn't say a peep until 1 hr before he was to be discharged. I just work here sometimes.
Hopefully a positive post next!

my first time as "that nurse"

I'm a new grad. That in itself means I haven't been nursing too many patients, but I was a CNA for 2 years. I've taken care of so many patients it's hard to pick just one who made a difference. But then with my RN, I can finally take the time to do what needs to be done for a patient. And people listen!
I'm working the 2nd of 3 shifts. Early in the morning, "beth" comes in. She's getting a new port for chemo. Extensive cancer history and new lesions at the moment. She's scared, hungry and thirsty. Her old port is leaking yellow fluid (think lymph fluid) on occasion. She's scared that the new one isn't going to work. I spent a good 20 minutes in there to reassure it that she'll be ok.She went down in midday, and came back as I was leaving. She was groggy, but she was in good spirits.
Today, I went in to see her and she said to me "hey, come here." With a very serious expression on her face. She then smiled and said "thank you for taking such good care of me and my mom yesterday. I told all my family you were the best nurse i've had in years!" I'm not worthy, I'm still SOOOO new! I immediately felt like bawling, but i'm a professional, right? (I held it in for about 10 mins). I told her the plan of getting her up, seeing how she did, then talking about what we could do for her for getting her to rehab, home, or to a facility.
She only wanted to go home, or be "safe" in the hospital. She got up, sat in a chair, got around and was doing ok. She gave me a lecture about nascar...and how a race at bristol is better than anything in the world. She teared up a little, but she seemed in good spirits. She made sure to tell me that she was going to be doing 2 Fs today..."fast and furious, baby!" As I left today, I told her I'd see her tomorrow. and she said, "Maybe I'll suprise you, and run off! After all, wouldn't they think you scared me away?" With a big wink.
good night, beth. We'll do what we can. But if I could have a thousand patients like you, I'd be ok(but dehydrated from crying!)

tips for new nursing students.

Well, someone else in the blogosphere had the idea of posting some tips for new nursing students...so as a future nurse educator, I figured I would post some of my own...take them at face value.
1. Nursing school is HARD.
This is not the time to be out partying every weekend, not study, blow off papers, etc. Most classes only have x number of points. Miss something or bomb, and you have to work harder to make it up. One of my friends failed our last semester by 3 points....and she missed 1 5 point quiz. So every point matters.
2. However, don't become absorbed by nursing school.
It's a lot. careplans, studying, papers, tests, dealing with others. Schedule some time to yourself once a week. a movie, cooking, reading, something you enjoy. It's easier to go back to nursing stuff if you aren't sick of it.
3. You may get the psycho instructor- It's true, you hear horror stories about every instructor. If you get one that drives you nuts, remember, you MUST follow what they say...even if it makes you question your sanity. It's only one semester, you can do it. just be professional, and ask questions if you aren't sure what to do.
4. some of your classmates can drive you crazy- It's a fact that some of them are crazy themselves. be professional, friendly, but you don't have to associate with them outside of school.
5. Find a study group or a close group of NS friends to vent to- only fellow nursing students understand what your going through...I don't know where I'd be without them.
6. Always ask questions to floor nurses...especially if it's one who enjoys teaching- and you can tell.
Hope this helps!

He's a bad mother...shut yo mouh!

I'm talking bout shaft!....SHAFT! It's too bad to hear he's gone. Even as a chef in colorado, he was always a source of advice....wait, he was a singer? dang. Peace, salty balls.

On a side note, when a patient repeats whatever he hears....saying "oh, S***" as a antibiotic starts running down your crotch is probably not the best idea...especially when he repeats it in front of family.

COS is up!

Change of Shift is up over at Emergiblog! http://www.emergiblog.com/2008/08/change-of-shift-volume-3-number-3.html

NEVER forget where you come from.

The simple touch of a hand in the dark,
a warm blanket in the chill of cloudy day.
The hand you need to hold when you go pee,
the hand you need to squeeze while you get poked.

I don't agree with passing the buck,
hunting down busy techs for a simple thing.
I don't believe that a tech can do something I can't do for them,
or that what they say does NOT have merit.

Do it yourself for a change,
find the heart to do 1 task a hour for a tech.
Relieve your load, get rid of your high horse,
and lend your heart to care.

NEVER be above helping out! It is appreciated more than you know!

So, the orientation rolls on...

So, I've got 6 shifts down....and I think I roll with the punches pretty good. I've had up to 6 patients, done discharge teaching on a knee, admitted patients, called doctors for orders, and done what I've had to do.
I've dealt with the docs that ignore us, the ones that seem very friendly, and the ones who are in the middle. But, what I can't understand is why a doc won't call us back for a patient....especially when it's a stat and I've paged 23 times over 2 hours for a B/P of 89/48....geez.
I've got 5 hours of IV sticks ahead of me tomorrow....so it's gonna be a long day. Any suggestions?

Life outside of the hospital....

You know, I've been living and breathing this nursing thing for so long already that I honestly can't remember the last time I actually had a life outside of work or school.
But I do now. It gets easier with the income to actually go places, see people, and do stuff. So I've made dinner for the girlfriend (and she actually liked it! that bodes well for the 1st dinner!), we sat around and watched movies (Bank job- meh. little long. And Juno- which was remarkably snarky, but pretty good overall) and we talked....and talked. It's starting to remind me what it was like to do things with other people.
Planning to go spend my B&N giftcard today, and maybe stop off for a beer somewhere on the drive with the cubs game....but outside of that, nothing is planned. And I've still got 2.5 more days off! This whole "orientation" thing where I can't pick up hours is pretty cool....
I'm looking at cruises/vacations for the fall...any suggestions?

my first day as a RN!!!!!

Wow. Years spent in school, and life choices brought me to this point. You see, today was my first official day as a staff RN! A lot of training awaits, but I could not wait to get to work today, and I slept about...oh, 4 hours!
At no point did I understand what I was getting myself into, and what a RN really does.....so today was a real wake up call.
Admitting patients, trying to explain different things, getting concerned over the sleepy LOL from surgery, and trying to get someone's pain under control. What a day. But, I clocked out with the most IMMENSE satisfaction that I could ever imagine. To all my fellow nurses: NEVER forget that job satisfaction should be part of your job everyday. If it's not, find it! life's too short!

Orientation in the classroom

Ok, I'm sick of looking at computer screens to orient. I need to get to the floor and actually interact with patients....I'm just bored! Seriously, though, class is going well...we've learned this neat relaxation technique, and learned the computer system....but I just can't wait to get to the floor. But that's all at the moment.