Do not stand at my grave and weep........

That line comes from a song I used to sing in High school."In Memoriam"..and it comes to mind every so often when I'm doing what I do.

Just a reflection....I spent today taking care of a resident who is approaching end of life. And upon my arrival to assess her, I found myself encountering a hospice aide. Wow...I thought I was a good CNA. this aide was there for about 2 hours in a shift, cruising through, did AM care, helped me think of ways to break her 102 degree fever(aside from the g-tube tylenol)...we did cold compressess, mouthcare, fan on back....the aide helped me turn her, helped me find another pressure sore developing on a foot, helped me assess areas that I would have had a tough time doing by myself.
She also talked to the family, helped me finish things up. Then the hospice nurse arrived....wow, she was focused....when we started talking, I mentioned that she already had a order for meds to help congestion, meds for pain sublingual, and was on top of each thing the nurse asked....
Then the family and I talked while I helped turn her, and gave her mouthcare, etc. I'm reminded that, when I'm in the situation at the end of my life, give me my dignity. A drop of water, medication to keep me comfortable, treat my symptoms, but let me die gracefully.

Like a flower slow to open,
this life will soon be done.
my spirit will be soaring,
for the race I finally have won.

I'm headed home to eden,
No pain can find me now.
Sunshine always upon me,
without a single dark cloud.

I will be with you in the dew,
the life I've left behind.
Never forget who I am,
and I'll always be alive in your mind.

Hug your loved ones tighter today....and give kind care to whoever you encounter....and to my fellow student nurses(never forget that the care you give is watched by EVERYONE related to the patient!)

The care you get.....

Sometimes I'm reminded of the old beatles song....the care you get is equal to the care you give. I think that even though patients are sick, in pain, having to deal with dx's, etc....most are willing to treat the staff well, and understand that if they need something that is not pressing...they follow up with "when you have time."
I personally have a issue with taking that to mean "when you get around to it." I provide EXCELLENT service, (as far as I know), and would rather go get what someone needs right away, versus having to remember to come back in 20 mins....besides, I'm a little slow to begin with.
Remember the reason that we are there, folks. We nurse because we care. If we didn't, why are we here? I will rue the day that I'm a patient, and I know the kind of service that I would expect....however, if I can still get up with a walker and go get some water....I'll probably do that myself, to relieve the burden.
off to work.....and spend the night listening to moonbeam conversations, and women who want breakfast at 2AM....

Days counting down....

So with two tests left in psych and theory....3 clinicals left for med/surg and psych, and 2 weeks of capstone to go.....It's REALLY starting to hit home that I'm almost done with school, and will be expected to be taking care of patients nursing wise in about 3 months....WOW. The most telling factor was today, when I was working on finishing my demos in the skills lab(which are NOW all done.), and my clinical instructor also gave me back my careplan.....the big 14 page one, that I had been dreading for 2 weeks, worried I was going to get it back, and have to revise over a week....nope. Got it back with comments, but overall it was good...and she didn't even mark on the last 4 pages! Sweet!
So, then on to the job hunt. I've got an interview at my hospital on the 2nd, and follow-ups on friday down at urbana....so we'll see what happens.

Where to work.....

OK.....so blogger ticked me off and I have to repost the entire thing.....arrgghh...

Am I just fooling myself? Am I going to end up working on the floor I work on now? I know I'll learn a lot of skills...and have patients from total self care, to the nursing home completely dependent patients....We get patients with all sorts of tubes, lots of ICU transfers, etc. We have the rep of being the toughest floor on the hospital. Would I just get in a lot of skills, and then go on to another department in a year or two? Plus, I know i could count on the aides(those I trust), my fellow nurses, my night crew...etc. know the docs, know the protcols, know what to do for the majority of the patients....
Or do I really want ER, ICU, tele? ER- not so much right out of school....I feel like I need to establish my baseline, and get good skills down...then do them again. Plus, I dunno if I can handle the senseless deaths.....ICU- again, not right away...every time I tech up there, I'm total teching...and running...and there's so many things to do with very borderline patients.....
tele? Maybe, once I get those chest stickies down....again though, they are just stable enough for the floor somedays, and then have lots of codes/emergencies happen....to anyone that remembers what it's like to be the fresh RN...how do you decide?
also I have follow-up interviews at another hospital...2nd choice. I really want to follow through, just to ensure that I have job offers if my own hospital(for whatever reason) doesn't offer me a job, or one that I feel I want. Tele up there and they pay for ACLS, and tele cert.....I'd rather just go out of pocket if my own hospital won't pay for it, since it wouldn't be part of my job on neuro/ortho. good idea?

spring break...and recruitment dinners

So, what have I done with the first few days of break? Slept, did laundry, shopped a little, and that's it.....
Looking forward to relaxing, and my big interview tomorrow at the trauma I center for their ICU and their step-down unit. Hopefully, will be worthwhile for the trip. It's an hour away, and if I get it, I'll have to move down there. Would be a neat place to work.
On the other hand, I wound up going to the recruitment dinner at the hospital where I work. It was ok, but quite hokey. they did make some good points about education, magnet journey and so forth. However, I heard from other staff that my own manager tried telling people that the ratio was 1:5....plenty of nights the nurses are running at 7-8:1 and have admits or transfers coming. If I do end up working there, I want to work in the ICU or on my own unit...it's such a challenge to figure it out. just a thought....if I worked on my own unit, would the aides respect me, or figure that I should do their work as well as mine? As opposed to ICU where I'm doing all total care without aides? Just another challenge to figure out...

now THAT's what I'm talking about....

If you ever have a God complex...come by my floor. My patient tonight kept yelling "god, help, god, help" over and over...well, apparently she meant me. Rock out....
Work is work....such as it is at the moment. I keep wondering what's going to happen when I put in my notice when I get my first RN job....keep on short staffing is my guess....
School-wise, I'm DONE with my big 40 page project for legal issues class....finally. Got a test today at 12, so I probably should be sleeping, but I'm too jazzed at the moment. Looking forward to clinicals this week, and just getting things done.
On the romance front....anyone know HOW frustrating it is to be going to school with lots of women who mostly are married or in serious relationships? I finally got a match.com membership and have already hit it off with 2, count em, 2 women in a week! Whee me! Too early for some things, but I'm looking forward to getting to know them both.
All for now....and if anyone is looking for some good folk music check out www.ellispaul.com good singer/songwriter guy and I'm going to see him in chitown this month!

A wee sweater is all I want.....

So, when you're running a 101 fever, sweating profusely, and were found in your front yard....you'd like a sweater. I wish I could help you out, I really do. I don't care about what the nurse told me "found in front yard, tested positive for alcohol, cocaine, and mary-jane...." I don't care that you think the doc is crazy. Nobody cares what brought you here. For my shift, I keep you alive/breathing and keep your temperature somewhere in the neighborhood of "viable".
Nobody told you you HAD to stick that needle in your arm. Nobody asked you to come to the hospital tonight. Nobody cares why you did it.
I certainly wish I could yell some sense into you. While you rant and rave, I have a gentleman next door who is slightly confused and convinced that he's a bother and should just pass on tonight. He's sorry he needs me for something as simple as a hot blanket.....and you know what? You ranting will not get you something any faster than I will get it.
I do what I have to to keep you around. When you're not here, I won't care what you do.
"The one who rants and raves like a fool, will be suprised when others fail to pay him dues.
The silent one who sits like rock, this is the one that will pass the clock. "
Good night, kind sir.