Tuesday, September 30, 2008


I feel something stirring in me that has been lying dormant for a long time. The swelling in the heart when I see a certain person. Thinking about them when I find myself with down moments. Knowing that things are still new, so perhaps I'm just overwhelmed with a sense of "new date" envy. I don't find excuses to break a date, I am just at ease out on the town, or sitting still watching movies.
I worry about how quickly I seem to be changing. Priding myself on always being a rational observer of my life, and tending not to get lost in dreams of long term plans.
But is it so wrong to WANT to share this life with someone? Sooner rather than later? Aching to fill a void that I have been aware of for years?
I have friends...that I know. But, there is only so much time that can be spent in that company.
I'm growing up. A career, a life, a love....the things I ache for. Career is satisfied, and somedays is very tough. Life...the days I spend, often just back and forth, waiting for the hour of bed, running errands, waiting.....
Love. I find it lacking, but I am prone to getting my heart broken quickly....I shy away from emotion, lest I be destroyed. I find that, although cliche, the "walls around my heart" metaphor is quite apt. When I find someone, I try not to scare them away...or show too much of me at once.

I put this out there for all to see: I believe in love. I believe I am falling in love. Is it love? I do not know, I think it may be. But, I know enough to minimize my heart's investment, until I know for sure. If you have love....hold it. Feed it everyday, and know that a tender plant dies if it is not fed.

Be on time.

Alone in the dark,
I hear my squeaking shoes.
Black pleather slapping tiles
as I attempt to quietly open doors.

I hear sleep sounds,
snores so deep they sound like cave monsters.
Hoping that the pulse ox's
show good perfusion.

I wait for the daylight to arrive,
to leave and go home.
My slumber time put off
by inconsiderate coworker.

Arriving on time is expected,
not a suggestion.
If I arrived 25 minutes late,
someone would notice....mainly boss.

Please remember that while I wait for you,
I am usually considerate enough to be on time.
Repeat, blather, repeat.
Good night.